


Save the World, Get the Girl

by TheRogueHuntress



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, BAMF Lily Evans Potter, Crack, F/M, First War with Voldemort, Humor, Identity Porn, Marauders' Era, Married Couple, No Statute of Secrecy, POV Lily Evans Potter, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Romance, Secret Identity, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, but with magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-26 06:06:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12052887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRogueHuntress/pseuds/TheRogueHuntress
Summary: Lily is a superhero, and devotes her time between hiding the truth from her husband; James, and trying to catch the troublesome supervillain; Prongs.





	Save the World, Get the Girl

There he was – Prongs – one of the more harmless trickster villains, admittedly, but a villain nonetheless. He was tall and broad, and had dark messy hair from which a massive stack of antlers unfurled, thus earning him his name. His mask covered his upper face, but Lily could see his mouth, his lips pink and enticing, and he had a sharp, clean shaven jaw – Lily cut that thought off entirely, and closed her eyes for a moment to think about James. Her husband, James, who had an equally striking jaw, and warm hazel eyes that twinkled with love each time he saw her. She hardened her heart, and stepped forward.

“Prongs!” she cried. He turned quickly, and nearly overbalanced – the antlers were obviously heavy, and Prongs was clumsy. “I’m arresting you for damaging property, and disturbing the peace.”

“Hello, hot stuff,” he yelled back. He was sprawled out upon one of the Landseer’s Lion Statues in Trafalgar Square, using his wand to pelt unsuspecting residents and tourists with balls of red and gold paint. “If you want me, come and get me!”

Lily bristled with anger, and marched toward the statue.

“Go get, him, girly!” a passer-by cheered her on. They’d gathered in a crowd to watch the ensuing show, both wizards and muggles alike.

A flick of her wand conjured a shield that deflected the paintballs he sent her way, but she was caught unaware by a large black dog that barrelled her over, sending her tumbling to the ground.

“Padfoot!” she growled, turning her wand on him as she scrambled back to her feet. The dog huffed, tongue lolling and then bounded away when she conjured a net and tried to capture him. He barked loudly, tripping civilians over in his dash to reach Prongs, who’d managed to climb down off the lion’s back. 

“Immobulus!” 

Prongs looked up, grinned, and Apparated away, Padfoot in his arms, before the spell could hit him.

“Not again!” Lily growled. How he managed to escape every single one of their encounters was just beyond her.

“Next time, dearie,” a little old lady said, patting her on the shoulder. Her hair had been dyed gold from James’ spell, and it actually rather suited her. “Now, could I have some roses, please?”

* * *

 

“What a day!” Lily slammed the door of their cottage shut behind her. James was sitting in the kitchen on a chair balanced on just two legs, grinning, and there was something about that grin that made her furious. “You!” She doused him with water, and he tumbled to the floor, spluttering with laughter.

“My darling Lilyflower, whatever has happened to put you in such a foul mood?”

Lily grimaced, and looked away. She wanted to tell him the truth, so, so badly. Three years they’d been together, and for two of them Lily had been masquerading as the superhero known to the world as 'Flower Girl', so named because she always conjured a bouquet of flowers for the victimised party once she’d saved the day.

“Oh, the Unspeakables – you know,” she said, waving her hand aimlessly, anger stolen away by her guilt. “How was your day?”

James drew her into his lap. “Business is going well,” he said, chastely brushing his lips against hers. “Marauders Inc. is thinking of buying out Zonko’s.”

Lily leaned into him and rubbed her nose into his jaw, soothed by the normality of James’ life. “That’s good, darling. I’m proud of you.”

James tensed for some reason, before sweeping her into his arms in bridal carry.

“James!” she shrieked, trying to squirm free.

“That’s enough of that,” he declared with a cheeky grin. He carried her into their bedroom, and wiggled his brows. “I’ve got just the thing to distract you from your bad mood.”

Lily sprawled out upon the bed, rolling her eyes. Still, she couldn’t help but grin. “Oh, very well,” she said, and pulled him down on top of her.

* * *

 

Prongs and Padfoot were causing trouble again, and this time they had a third party with them, a man Lily vaguely knew as Moony, who was the picture of a scholar in his tweed jacket and chinos, barring the wolf mask he wore.

“I’m terribly sorry about all this,” Moony said, even as he disarmed her, and used a spell to bind her wrists behind her back. “It’s just that this is a truly excellent prank.”

Objectively, Lily could see the humour in it. They’d charmed all the flowers in Richmond Park to spout poems – rude ones, at that. But Lily was a superhero, and it was her job to put a stop to this sort of mischief. She’d just have to have a laugh about it with James when she finally got home.

“You have the face of a rat, and you’re ever so fat, and you’re as pathetic and cowardly as a doormat,” one geranium sang as a rather plump young man walked past. He jumped, staring at the flower, and Lily recognised him as one of James’ old school mates that he’d fallen out of touch with; Peter Pettigrew.

The man’s eyes flashed with anger, before he turned to Prongs. “You’ll regret this,” he snarled, before Apparating away.

“Ha! Did you see his face?” Prongs asked, howling with laughter, and Moony chuckled with him. Lily rolled her eyes.

“You, on the grass, you’ve got a great arse, how about you come sit here, you’ll enjoy it, have no fear,” the rhubarb called out to her.

Lily eyed it with disgust. “How did you manage to make even plants lecherous?” she exclaimed.

“Magic,” Prongs said solemnly.

“Bloody hard charmwork,” Moony added under his breath.

“You do have a fantastic arse, love,” Prongs said, and winked. Lily glared at him, and continued picking at the knots that bound her wrists.

“Why can’t you find another city to cause chaos in?”

“My wife refuses to move,” Prongs said with a grin. “Blame her.”

“Ugh – I pity the poor woman who married you.”

Prongs gazed into the distance, a dopy smile upon his face. She had to admit that it looked like he cared about her, whoever she was. “She’s the most brilliant thing to ever happen to me.”

Padfoot barked. He was, as much as dogs could, grinning. Lily narrowed her eyes at him. He was certainly no ordinary mutt. In his paws was her wand, and he was drooling on it, the vile creature.

“In your pocket – is that a gun? Come to me, we’ll have some fun,” a violet sang.

Lily had finally managed to free her wrists. She launched herself forward, snatching up her wand, and Banished Padfoot into the nearby pond. The water was a murky brown colour; the surface was covered with algae. She hoped that it was filled with leeches and eels, and that he never managed to get the smell out of his fur.

“Ah no, Pads!” Prongs exclaimed. She turned to him, and blasted him in the pond as well, feeling viciously vindicated. She hated being captured.

When she turned to Moony, he turned tail and ran, managing to dodge her spells. He snatched up a broomstick they’d evidently left for their retreat, and zoomed away.

The other broom whipped past Lily, and she turned - and stared.

Prongs had obviously summoned it. He burst out of the pond, shooting into the air – and Padfoot was balanced on the back of the broom, barking madly.

Lily’s jaw dropped. “Bloody hell,” she muttered. "I'll get you one day!"

“He fast and he’s smart, look at him depart!” a pansy exclaimed, and the entire batch of them sighed.

“ _ Finite _ ,” Lily hissed, even though there was another team that specialised in clean up, and stalked away from the chaos, angrily conjuring bouquets of flowers for everyone that she saw. Luckily, her flowers didn’t sing, although she was certain that some people were actually disappointed by that.

* * *

 

“No, no, no, you see, having minor villains is a good thing! If there aren’t any minor villains, then there would have to be more major villains, to balance out the proportion of good and evil, light and dark, hero and villain, and then we’d all be in trouble. If London’s supervillain is someone like, say, Prongs, for example, then there’s no space for someone truly evil, not like the Dark Lord that’s been plaguing Scotland.”

Lily frowned. 

“Have I been living with him too long, or did all that just make sense?” she asked Remus as she set the table for dinner. James and Sirius were having a loud discussion in the lounge as they drank firewhiskey as if it was water, and Remus had come to give her a helping hand.

There was a strange smirk upon Remus’ face as he answered. “He’s making sense… for once.”

“Maybe, if there were less heroes then there would be less villains too,” Sirius posed. “Take Flower Girl, for instance. She’s bloody useless.”

“Lies! Flower Girl is integral to the villain/hero dynamic, and she keeps the public happy,” James argued. Lily was strangely proud to hear him defending her alter-ego, although it made her want to tell him the truth even more.

“You’re just saying that because you fancy her.”

Was it wrong to be jealous of herself? Lily scowled at the cutlery in her hands. Not only was it wrong, it was utterly mad!

“She’s hot, I’ll give you that. But, you know it's always been Lily – she's the only flower girl for me.”

She smiled, her mood abruptly changing again. It was times like this that she was reminded of why she loved James, silly sod that he sometimes could be.

Remus cleared his throat. “I think the chicken’s ready.”

“Oh, be a darling and carve it, would you?” Lily asked. She hastily put down the cutlery, and got on with preparing their evening meal.

* * *

 

Lily had heard reports of Prongs causing mayhem in a hospital, but she hadn’t expected… this.

“You got me!” Prongs cried, tumbling to the floor, clutching at his chest. One of the kids, dressed up like Dumbledore, stood over him. Her wrist was in a cast, but she paid it no mind.

“You will stand trial for your crimes,” the girl squeaked. “Guards, take him away.” Two boys dragged Prongs to ‘prison’ - the corner of the room.

“I’ll escape, just you wait,” he declared, grinning, pretending to break free, only to fail when the guards caught him again. 

“Not on our watch!” another girl said. She was holding a fake wand, and was pretending to cast locking spells. An IV bag had been charmed to follow her about, delivering her a constant dose of a potion that glowed purple.

There was a nurse supervising, standing in the doorway with a smile upon her face as she watched them play. The room was empty of furniture, bar a box full of toys that had been emptied onto the floor, obviously well played with.

“Hey,” Lily said. “Everything alright here?”

“Hmm? Oh yes,” the nurse said. “He’s here every Friday. The kids love him. Highlight of their week.”

Lily holstered her wand, and leaned against the wall to watch. This was an entirely different side to the villain that she'd never seen, nor even thought to look for.

“I am Mad-Eye Moody, and I will capture you, evil Prongs, and save the fair maiden!” The boy in question was missing a leg, replaced by a mechanical one, and had a bandage over his eye.

Prong had kidnapped one of the little girls, and was running about the room with her on his shoulders. She was clinging to his antlers and grinning wildly. “Faster!” the girl cried.

“As you command, Lady Mischief,” Prongs grovelled. He caught sight of Lily in the doorway, and winked.

“Hey kids, we’ve got a surprise visitor today!”

“Flower Girl!” a boy shrieked the moment he saw her.

All of a sudden, Lily was attacked by a horde of minions of chaos: children. They clutched at her legs, tugging at her robes, and beamed angelically up at her.

“Will you conjure us some flowers, please?

“May I have some lavender? That’s my name, you know,” one particularly precocious child said.

“I want some snapdragons!”

She shot Prongs a panicked look, who just grinned. With a sigh, Lily began conjuring flowers until the room was filled with them; roses, daisies, lavender, petunias, lilies, and many more.

“Have you ever made a daisy chain?” Prongs asked, and promptly began teaching the kids how to interlace the stems together, with an intense look of concentration upon his face.

“You’re not so bad,” Lily said thoughtfully, when the kids, finally exhausted, were escorted away for naptime. Prongs had multitudes of flowers in his hair and daisy chains dangling from each tine of his antlers. He was leaning against the wall of the room, eyes shut behind his mask, but he was grinning, as usual.

“Does that mean you’re not going to arrest me? I’m too tired to think up a daring escape if you are.”

Lily laughed. “I’ll let you go – just this once.”

Prongs opened a single eye. “Well, thank you, love.”

“Try not to cause too much trouble.”

“Ha! Me – cause trouble? Never!”

Lily rolled her eyes as she walked away, but she was grinning too.

* * *

 

“Come on, it’ll be like old times!”

Lily sighed. “Fine. Just for a few hours though. I’m meant to be seeing Alice for lunch.”

James grinned, and offered her his arm, which she accepted. Moments later they were pulled through the sickening twist of Apparition, and had arrived in Hogsmeade. It was just as she remembered from her school days, if perhaps quieter for the lack of children, and she was filled with a sense of nostalgia.

“Oh, oh, let’s go to Honeydukes,” James said, tugging her along. She smiled wryly, and let him. He was like a five-year-old at Christmas; filled with delight. The shop was lined with jars of sweets, and James raced about, filling up his basket.

“Get some chocolate for Remus, will you?” she asked, inspecting their new line of disguise drumsticks. The label swore they’d hide the identity of anyone who consumed them for up to thirty minutes. Superhero and villaining was becoming more and more popular. Everybody fancied themselves as an amateur hero or mischief maker, so they likely had quite the market.

BANG! The ground shook, and somebody screamed. She exchanged a glance with James, and they dropped their wares and raced out of the shop.

It was the Dark Lord Voldemort – Scotland’s primary supervillain, and one of the most terrible of them all. He cackled as he set the Three Broomsticks on fire – with people still trapped inside. A rat scurried over Lily’s foot, and she jumped; even the vermin were fleeing.

“I have to – er, work,” Lily said to James, who nodded distractedly, and she disappeared around the back of a building. With a mere flick of her wand, she had transfigured her clothing into her superhero outfit, and conjured herself a mask. She tied back her hair, and raced toward the fire, wand raised.

“ _ Aguamenti _ ,” she cried. The flames were obviously magical, for they just roared even louder, and an enormous snake made of fire lashed out at her.  She fought back, casting as many water based spells as she knew, but with each strike, the fire drew closer.

“ _ Glacius _ !” Prongs had appeared beside her. Together, they managed to hold back the flames.

“What are you doing here?” Lily yelled over the cacophony of screams and the crackling of the fire.

“Can’t let my favourite hero die, can I?” he yelled back. She grinned at him, and they both turned their attention back to the inferno. People were streaming out of the building, now they'd driven it back from the doors, and joined in with the relief effort. Finally, Dumbledore arrived, his midnight blue cloak billowing out behind him with miniscule starts twinkling upon it, and duelled the Dark Lord, massive flashes of colour spewing from their wands, spells booming as they met and exploded.

“Til the next time, old man!” the Dark Lord snarled, and Apparated away. The fire was quenched without him fuelling it, just embers hissing and spitting as the flames were doused. The pub had largely been saved, and no one too badly injured.

“We did it,” Lily said with a tired smile. She glanced over at the masses, who were cheering their success, and grabbed Prongs, dragging him behind the nearest building.

“Oh, alright,” Prongs said with smirk. “What’s this then?”

Lily flicked him round the ear. “I’m too tired to conjure that many people flowers. And they always demand it, these days.”

“See now, that’s your problem. You’re just too nice,” Prong said, laughing.

Lily opened her mouth to answer when he suddenly collapsed to the floor. Standing behind him was Peter Pettigrew, smirking at her. “Stupefy,” he said, and the last thing she saw was red light.

* * *

 

Lily awoke with a groan. She was tied back to back with Prongs, who was still out cold, and they were lying on a freezing stone floor, in a small, dark room with a barred door. The weird green and silver tapestries of snakes that adorned the walls could mean only one thing – that they were in the Dark Lord’s dungeon, and at his mercy. She blinked, glad to feel that her mask was still on, the silk soft against her skin, and began to wriggle, trying to get free.

The movement woke Prongs. “Merlin’s saggy underpants,” he swore.

“It was a man named Pettigrew,” Lily said. The knots were tight as her fingers worked against them, and she couldn't find any slack. “He must be working for the Dark Lord.”

“No! He used to be my mate!”

“Did you do something to piss him off recently?” Then Lily remembered the rude geraniums that Prongs had charmed. “Never mind.”

“What a wanker. Who even works for the Dark Lord, anyway?”

Lily had twisted so that her shoulder was digging into Prongs’ back, pressing him into the floor, in her effort to get free.

“No, stop – my mask,” Prongs cried. He shook his head, but only managed to make it fall further off his face.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone…” Lily reassured him.

Then her jaw dropped. She recognised the man behind the mask. Of course she did.

It was James.

“You!” Lily exclaimed, and whacked him with her bound arms. How dare he lie to her! “Aah – I’m so angry!” she said, and continued hitting James as much as she could, tied together as they were. A villain! He spent his free time as a villain!

“Ow – woman – what’s your problem? We’ve got to work with, not against each other!”

“You are,” a hit, “in,” she elbowed him, “ _ so _  much trouble! I swear, James, when we get out of here, I’m going to kill you!”

“What! Wait – how do you know my name?”

“Because I’m married to you!” she cried. She’d exhausted herself, and sagged in their binds. They lay there in silence for a long moment.

“Well, shit,” James said eloquently. She elbowed him in response.

They were saved from having an undoubtedly awkward conversation by Pettigrew clanging open the doors.

“The Dark Lord will see you now,” he said, and chuckled. Lily would have preferred the conversation, frankly. All of a sudden, James being Prongs didn't seem to be that big a deal.

“You – you rat!” James hissed. “Traitor!”

Pettigrew ignored him, and began floating them out of the cell and along a dark corridor with low ceilings.

“Let us go,” Lily demanded. “The Dark Lord is evil, surely you see that!”

Pettigrew smiled, revealing crooked yellow teeth. “Oh, I know.”

They were deposited upon the floor before the Dark Lord’s throne, made from dark oak and green velvet that looked like it had seen better days. The room was dreary, lit solely by candles, that revealed the cobwebs in the ceiling and dirt on the ground. Lily shuddered with disgust and fear.

“Prongs... and Flower Girl… yesss… you’ll do.” The Dark Lord paced around them, bare feet on the stone floor.

Lily glanced about, and blanched. There was Padfoot, James’ dog, in the corner of the room. When James caught sight of him, he brightened immensely. Lily wasn’t entirely sure why, as the dog was collared and chained to the wall.

“And we’ve even caught your pet,” the Dark Lord sneered.

James laughed, and Lily elbowed him to get him to shut up. Laughing at Dark Lords was not the wisest of actions. He ignored her, of course, because he was Prongs, and a total prat.

“Yes, you have. But you see, you’ve made a mistake." James sounded as if he were in the middle of pulling off a terribly good prank.

“Really?” the Dark Lord drawled, then scoffed. “Do enlighten me.”

James smirked. “Well… The thing is, and really, it’s quite an important distinction: Padfoot’s not actually a dog.”

In that moment, several things happened. Padfoot transformed into a human – it was Sirius! And in his hand was his wand.

“ _ Relashio _ !” The collar around his neck fell to the floor, and so did the bonds trapping Lily and James. Immediately, they had to dive out of the way of a curse from the Dark Lord, who screamed his displeasure.

Pettigrew whimpered, transformed into a rat – how he’d ever managed become an Animagus, she didn’t know – and scurried off through a crack under the door.

“ _ Accio _ James and Lily’s wands!” Their wands came flying through the air, and James snatched them up.

“Let’s give him hell!” he shouted, a vicious grin upon his face. 

They fought the Dark Lord, but even against the three of them he proved to be stronger, faster and more powerful. Lily had a burn all down her left arm, James was limping, Sirius had been blasted into a wall, and lay motionless. The Dark Lord had barely slowed at all.

“Tom.” The name echoed about the room, and the three of them were granted a reprieve as the Dark Lord turned away from them with a snarl, his face twisting horribly, eyes flashing.

“Don’t call me that!” he hissed, coming face to face with Dumbledore, and behind him a collection of superheroes looking eager for a fight. Lily sighed with relief as they began to duel.

“James! Are you alright?” she asked, casting a multitude of spells to heal them both of their superficial wounds. James gathered her in his arms, and held her tight.

“I’m fine. Honest, love. Are you okay? How’s your arm?”

“Better now,” she said, feeling safe with her husband wrapped around her. James smelt like home, underneath the tang of blood and sweat.

“I love you, Lily. I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” she whispered, pressing her face into his shoulder. He was warm, and alive, and that was what was important. “Right, let’s see to Sirius, shall we?”

Remus was already there with him, and Sirius was awake, if drowsy. “Just a few cracked ribs,” he said. “Kiss them better, will you Lils?”

“You dog,” she said fondly. “Like hell I will. I’m glad you’re alright, though.”

“No!” the Dark Lord cried in horror, loudly enough to draw their attention. Dumbledore had bound him head to toe in chains, and stood over him, holding the two pieces of the Dark Lord’s wand, snapped in half.

“You have terrorised the UK for long enough. I’m taking you into custody, Tom, for suspicion of murder, assault and villainy," Dumbledore said, looking solemn.

Lily smiled, turning back to James. At last. 

“Let’s go,” she said, and extended a hand for Remus and Sirius to take. Sirius staggered to his feet, and they crowded close, her silly, foolish boys.

“And don’t think that I’ve forgotten about what you get up to in your spare time… Prongs, Padfoot, and what can only be Moony,” she said, just before Apparating them back home.

**Author's Note:**

> Concrit VERY welcome please!  
> Is it too cracky? Is there too much dialogue? Have I made any SPaG mistakes? Have I got the characterisation right?  
> These are the questions that plague me!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, and thanks for reading. Find me on [tumblr](https://theroguehuntress.tumblr.com/) if you wanna chat, or feel free to comment!


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